Sex Life After Kids

So I’m watching the Today show and was baffled when I heard Miley Cyrus claim that people over 40 don’t have sex. Now, I ‘m really no-longer shocked by some of the outrageous things she says because she has recently become quite well known for her comments and especially her sexuality. When I was younger I just knew my parents were not sexual. Younger ones don’t like to think of adults in that way, but as an adult now it’s funny to think that my parents never had a sex life after kids.


According to a study that asked people if they believed sex gets put off after the age of 40, the majority said NO. In fact, experts agree that older generations are still sexually after despite the effects of aging.

I’m not quite near the 40 mark, but as my husband will soon reach his 3rd decade milestone I can hardly think that in 10 years from now we’ll just stop rocking the sheets. If anything we may even be more sexually active as the kids will be older and we won’t be as dog tired from the restless nights, especially once they move out. When you are young you’re madly in love and life happens fast. Before you know it you have two kids, a house, and the debt that came with it all of which add to high levels of stress. If you ask me I feel life truly begins at 40 and later. Mid-life crisis? No, it’s called ‘hey the kids are grown up and I get my freedom back to do whatever I please.’ If that means buying a motorcycle and rocking out at concerts like we’re teens again, so be it.

Keeping the Romance Alive

Now don’t steer me wrong with the previous remarks I’ve made regarding sex life at 40 meaning that parents of young children can’t reignite the fire until then. Take it from someone who ended up sharing a room with a baby for over a year, there are ways you can spice things up to keep the romance alive. Here I’ll share some tips on restoring sex life after kids.

datesSpend Quality Adult Time With Your Partner It doesn’t have to always be about sex. Set time apart for you and your significant other to spend quality time with each other without the kids. Get a babysitter and reserve a date night at least once a month. One secret I’ve heard that we’ve been pretty good about to help keep your relationship strong is never stop going on dates. When the kids consume the majority of your life it’s easy for conversations to be centered on them 24/7, but try to find some common ground to talk about that doesn’t involve the kids.

Be Sensual Rather than always focusing on sex, be sensual with your partner. It could be an intimate moment in the morning before you get out of bed or during the kids’ nap time. It can just be some sweet snuggling, playful strokes of the hair, a soothing massage or simply long, slow kisses. Getting sensual doesn’t always have to lead to more than that. Just sharing that intimacy a few times a week can help you and your partner to reconnect as adults rather than just as parents.

couchTake a step out of the bedroom– literally. The bedroom is one of the most private areas of the house (aside from the bathroom) so it’s natural that we always resort to this spot when it comes to making whoopee. Take a step out of your comfort zone to a place that’s more public, like the living room. Even when you have the house to yourself there’s still that open feeling of the room that you could be seen that makes it fun and seem sneaky.

You can even go old-school by taking a joy ride down lover’s lane and get busy in the backseat. Just be sure it isn’t in a public park at night that closes at a certain time where park rangers drive around to make sure there are no cars or people left hanging around (not that that’s ever happened to us before 😐 )

candlesSet the mood – It may be a challenge to sex things up in the shower when it’s overtaken by bath toys. While the kids are staying at grandma’s for the night, put all the toys away and out of sight. Instead, place some aromatherapy candles and create a romantic playlist of some mutual favorite songs. Get down and dirty while the water runs down your back or start off with a nice relaxing bubble bath together then take it elsewhere as you please (our bathroom is too small but lit candles and a hot, steamy room can be the perfect setting to never leave the bathroom)

If you’re planning a Friday night date or a weekend getaway, set the right tone leading up to the big event to make it more tantalizing such as a few suggestive text messages or well placed notes (as in where no one else will read them) with some sexy sayings.

Try new thingsstray away from the old mundane. Try new positions and moves, but be realistic and stay within your limits. You don’t have to be an acrobat. If you always go for missionary style, try straddling your man for a change . . . backwards! I had a book that was given as a gag gift for my bridal shower with a multitude of poses and positions. I laughed and put it in a drawer of my night stand with no intentions of actually reading it, until after having kids. You can also spice things up with some new outfits or even try role playing. You play pretend with the kiddos so why not turn it to something a little naughty. Another really great idea is taking belly-dance classes. It’s great exercise for a solid workout that is fun, can help you lose weight, and can be played up once the kids are in bed for a personal ‘private show’. Go ahead and let your freak fly!

Need more ideas? May I suggest checking out 50 Shades of Grey!? Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you have to take up celibacy. It just means you have to be more creative! Also, be realistic. It’s completely normal to have no desire to get intimate when you are dead-tired from a long day of running around after the kids or a restless night with a sick or teething tot. Maintaing a healthy sex life after kids can be very doable, but you don’t always have to get sexual. Take time for your partner even if it’s just for a few moments to keep the flames burning.

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